Kate Middleton is a ‘much stronger person than Meghan Markle in many ways’, as despite both facing the same gossipy criticism from snobbish courtiers she would still always accept advice, says former Kensington Palace staffer

When Kate Middleton and Meghan Markle joined the Royal Family, despite being from different parts of the world, they had to put up with the same old problems.

Because they came from middle class backgrounds, they faced gossipy criticism from the courtiers who ran things behind the scenes, according to a royal book.

A former member of the Kensington Palace staff told author Tom Quinn that although both women had to face them down, Kate managed it better because she ‘is actually a much stronger person than Meghan in many ways’.

‘Kate was always happy to accept advice both from the lower staff, with whom she got on very well, and from the courtiers, even though some of them were initially very snooty about her’, one told Mr Quinn, for his book Yes, Ma’am: The Secret Life Of Royal Servants, which came out in March.

‘It was the same kind of backbiting gossipy criticism that Meghan had to put up with.

‘Yet what Meghan saw as Kate being pushed around, Kate saw as an essential part of being a member of the Royal Family.’ 

They added that Meghan thought she knew better than an institution that had been in business for 1,000 years, but Kate was never going to buy that.

The apparent major difference in how Kate and Meghan dealt with the staff behind the scenes stands in contrast to their similarities on the surface.

Unlike royal brides such as Princess Diana, they didn’t come from the typical aristocratic sets that had been close to the Royal Family for generations.

Instead they both came from aspirational upper middle-class families, who sent them to private schools to give them a leg-up in life.

That made them complete outsiders to the closed-off and at times 18th-century world that members of The Firm exist within.

Marrying into perhaps the most famous family in the world no doubt came as a shock.

According to one of Elizabeth II’s former courtiers in Mr Quinn’s book, the Palace began to worry when it became clear that Meghan had plans for her life as a working royal that were not compatible with the approved programme.

They added that they didn’t think Meghan understood that when joining the Royal Family, ‘you don’t do as you please, you do as you’re told’.

A courtier claimed that Meghan said ‘What Diana started, I want to finish’, but they added that she wanted to pursue the late princess’s charitable work on a part-time basis.

‘She really did have a messiah complex’, one of the couple’s former staffers told Mr Quinn, pointing out that the duchess was focused on how she could become the most loved and best-known royal.

But it seemed she wanted to rise to the top in her own way.

Despite the late Queen giving Meghan some of her most trusted hands, Sophie, Duchess of Edinburgh, and Lady Susan Hussey, to help Meghan learn the ropes, she reportedly turned them away.

The ‘Meghan-knows-best’ attitude seemed to upset the staff at Kensington Palace.

A former member of staff said the old guard really didn’t like it when someone from the United States tries to change things – as they are ‘terrific snobs’.

Elsewhere in Mr Quinn’s book, he explained that although Meghan was indeed branded ‘the Duchess of Difficult’ by some staff, she did have her supporters.

Other ordinary staff liked her feisty and change-hungry nature. Some suggested it was more a case of ‘Duchess Different’.

She is also articulate and sophisticated – a woman who, before meeting Harry, was a human rights activist, clean water campaigner, a women’s advocate to the United Nations and a champion for gender equality. She also backed the #MeToo campaign, urging women to ‘use their voice’.

The way she went about it, though, raised eyebrows.

Mr Quinn describes how Kensington Palace staff split into ‘for Meghan’ and ‘against Meghan’ and the atmosphere became one of ‘swirling rumour, gossip and backbiting’.

According to his sources, Meghan became especially friendly and close with one particular junior member of staff, but this was seen as inappropriate by the senior royals.

Meghan also reportedly felt upset because William, as heir to the throne, was given better treatment by staff than her husband. 

Perhaps because it is mostly staffed by the upper-classes, or maybe simply due to the fact that it is a public institution with long-running rules and conventions, the Palace operates cautiously and by consensus. 

It was therefore understandable that the transition from Hollywood to the life of the Royal Family was difficult for Meghan to manage.

In fairness, no one said marrying into and finding your place in the Royal Family was easy.

Diana was too young; Sarah Ferguson too headstrong and even Kate found the transition from middle-class girl to princess tricky.

However, Kate did have more success, with Palace staff noting to Mr Quinn that she took a far more careful approach. 

One former Palace staff member told Mr Quinn: ‘Kate is Meghan Markle without the messianic complex.’

Other accounts from former staffers say that Meghan was focused on how she could become the best-known and most loved member of the royal family.

Another courtier claimed that Meghan said ‘What Diana started, I want to finish’, but added that although she wanted to follow in her charitable footsteps to some extent, it was on a part-time basis.

However, her lack of knowledge did not stop her from confidently taking charge, according to Mr Quinn’s book.

Some of Meghan’s former staff told Mr Quinn of the awkwardness and hilarity of those early meetings at Kensington Palace.

One said: ‘It was extraordinary because she was so confident that you could see she wanted to run the meeting rather than learn about the Royal Family through the meeting.

‘She was a great believer in grabbing the bull by the horns – except the Royal Family is not really a bull.’

Another added: ‘Meghan thought she knew better than an institution that has been in business for 1,000 years and more.’

In retrospect, these accounts help make sense of why Meghan found royal life so difficult – she was never comfortable playing second fiddle.

But what did Kate do differently that made her royal career such a success?

Years prior, she had also found the transition tricky.

However, Palace staff told Mr Quinn that she took a far more careful approach than her older and more experienced American counterpart.

Staff described Kate as ‘someone who slowly and carefully absorbs the atmosphere of a place, the relationship between people and the rules’.

She was definitely not someone who ‘jumps in straight away and tries to change everything to suit her way of thinking’.

Instead, she decided to bide her time and watch how others behaved first.

But perhaps the most important difference between the two women’s approach to royal life was that Kate was prepared to be coached – not just by William, who wanted Kate to avoid the problems his mother had encountered, but also by the staff.

In the early days, the worldly Camilla took her under her wing and Kate, of course, had the sensible and practical support of her family, especially her mother, Carole.

Kate’s introduction to full-time royal life was gradual, cautious even, and to start with she was mostly a support act for Prince William.

Kate also knew when things wouldn’t be worth fighting with them over.

For instance, although she has a personal distaste for the blood sport of hunting the royals were so attached too, she realised some things cannot be changed.

A former Palace staffer told Mr Quinn for his 2023 book Gilded Youth: ‘She is not the sort to join the League Against Cruel Sports or campaign vigorously to stop people flying and thereby reduce global warming.

‘Unlike her sister-in-law [Meghan], she has the sense to realise that campaigning on global warming is likely to result in huge criticism for the royals, who famously fly by private jet and helicopter.’

The author would go on to argue that George, Charlotte and Louis will also learn, as their mother has learned, that the core values of the royal family are unchangeable.

Meghan on the other hand, seemed determined to change those values when she joined the Royal Family – but this ended in failure.

She was a moderniser by nature, after all, and someone who wanted to get things done and change the status quo.

But when it comes to the Royal Family, those who take their time and follow the rules usually end up in a far better place. 

Kate learned this lesson quickly, but for Meghan, it never seemed to sink in.