JAN MOIR: I’m relieved Harry and Meghan’s carousel of caressing has halted. But it does make me fear for them…

Can all be well down in the fragrant dell of Montecito? I wonder. The Duke and Duchess of Sussex have made their first public appearance together in months, no doubt hoping to silence increasing speculation about the state of their marriage, their future together and their mutual career as saviours of the world — or whatever it is that they do out there in their fantasyland of compassion and creative activations.

The couple were filmed sitting together on a love seat in the sun-dappled garden of their Californian home as they made congratulatory phone calls to the winners of a grant for young entrepreneurs developing ‘responsibly technology’. If this show of togetherness was supposed to quash rumours, it had the opposite effect on me.

Was it wrong to sense an underlying tension and a lack of interaction between the duke and duchess? It was certainly noticeable that the couple didn’t look at each other at all. Well, Harry gazed at Meghan, but she kept her eyes down and never looked at him, not once. At no point did their eyes meet, and no affectionate gazes were exchanged.

Some might think this is a loaded observation about what is only a brief promotional clip, but this is Harry and Meghan we are talking about. Since day one, their every public appearance has been characterised by a glutinous show of overt affection. They hold hands, they constantly pat, touch, clutch and comfort–rub each other like two high-net-worth meerkats enjoying a grooming session.

They delight in showing the world their delight in each other, even if that delight is not always entirely reciprocated in a wholly delightful way.

JAN MOIR:  The couple were filmed sitting together on a love seat in the sun-dappled garden of their Californian home as they made congratulatory phone calls to the winners of a technology grant

JAN MOIR: Harry and Meghan built their brand on love; on being the heroic, loved–up couple who fled from the oppression of wealth, privilege and monarchy to build a brave new world

And whether on Oprah or on a palace balcony, their eye contact is invariably intense and locked on, like radar gunsights. Indeed, Meghan often makes a point of gazing at Harry with the kind of molten adoration you’d expect from a renaissance nun who has just seen a vision of God in a stained-glass window.

But not this time, baby. In their tonal summer neutrals and fixed grins, there was a faint undertow of awkwardness and distance that we haven’t seen before.

I want to be honest. I’m rather grateful for any new briskness in their public relationship. There have been too many moments in the past when Harry and Meghan’s adolescent pawings and moony spoony behaviour has made even an old romantic like me feel the urge to purge into the nearest sick bag. Even if one can appreciate how these relentless, open displays of tenderness had a purpose and were powerful in establishing the Sussex identity on a global stage.

After all, Harry and Meghan built their brand on love; on being the heroic, loved–up couple who fled from the oppression of wealth, privilege and monarchy to build a brave new world built on the very same wealth, privilege and monarchy they had crossed an ocean to escape. And if the course of their true love does not run smooth, where does that leave them?

Tomorrow is Meghan’s 42nd birthday, and I wonder what she will be reflecting upon as she blows out her candles in California. Perhaps she will exult in her triumphant exit from a cruel and wicked British institution which forced her to wear beige, denied her first choice of tiara and wasn’t keen on hugs, the utter b****rds.

JAN MOIR: Today is Meghan’s 42nd birthday, and I wonder what she will be reflecting upon as she blows out her candles in California

JAN MOIR:  Since day one, their every public appearance has been characterised by a glutinous show of overt affection

Perhaps her mind will turn once more to that momentous New York night in May, when the infamous ‘near-catastrophic car chase’ resulted in an utterly catastrophic negative shift in public perception of the Sussexes.

Overnight they went from being seen as compassion crusaders to deluded fools, mockingly exposed as a couple overinvested in their own importance and whirling around inside a tornado of unjustifiable paranoia. It was a seminal moment which resulted in more bad publicity, including cancelled broadcasting projects and being called ‘grifters’ by a Spotify executive.

Strong marriages can survive worse, but it is becoming clear that the pressure is on for the Sussexes, who have squandered much of their initial commercial goodwill in Hollywood and somehow managed to diminish their own prestige to boot.

The popular narrative about their relationship has always depicted Harry as the poor husband, forced to obey the demands of his ambitious wife — but being married to a privacy–obsessed monomaniac like him is surely no picnic, either. On that fateful night in New York, stuck in the back of a taxi in her pretty gold dress, Meghan’s duchess life didn’t look like much fun at all.

Of course, maybe all this speculation is wrong-headed and unfair. Maybe too much is being made of a short film clip that is supposed to be a celebration of good works. Yet after seven years of behaving like two handsy old hams overacting in a royal romcom set in a petting farm, Harry and Meghan can’t blame puzzled viewers for fearing the worst when the carousel of caressing suddenly stops.

Celebrity Cakegate takes the biscuit!

CakeGate is the drama we didn’t know we needed, until it came along and threw a custard pie in the face of good manners and exposed the grasping cesspit of online celebrities and influencers.

Heroic baker Rebecca Severs refused to supply two large cakes and 100 cupcakes for a birthday party being held in Manchester for former Coronation Street actress Catherine Tyldesley. Who? Good point.

Tyldesley’s PR company told Miss Severs that her Three Little Birds bakery would not be paid for the large order, but would be mentioned on social media accounts and in a celebrity magazine instead.

The subtext was that she should be honoured and grateful to bake treats for such a megastar. Figuring that emojis wouldn’t pay her mortgage or the flour bills, Rebecca told them all to get lost and aired her grievances on her social media channels.

This prompted Catherine to post her own film, in which she sneered about the ‘cake lady’ who was ‘craving exposure’.

Heroic baker Rebecca Severs refused to supply two large cakes and 100 cupcakes for a birthday party being held in Manchester for former Coronation Street actress Catherine Tyldesley (pictured in 2019)

As if life wasn’t tough enough for small businesses without Z-grade celebs trying to chisel freebies out of them.

Show a little respect, Catherine! You’re not Bette Davis — you are a demi-retired soap actress who played a barmaid known as Eva the Diva whose best line was ‘Another pint, love?’.

So get over yourself, you big sponge. Pay for your cakes, like everyone else.

Taylor gives tour crew Swift lesson in generosity

As the American leg of singer Taylor Swift’s Eras tour wraps up, the star has given the 50 or so truckers who lugged her stage set around the country a bonus of $100,000 — each.

Truckers usually get bonuses at the end of big tours, but even $10,000 would be seen as generous.

Swift, 33, who will be a billionaire by the time her world tour is over, clearly wanted to spread her good fortune around.

She also rewarded her dancers, musicians, lighting and sound technicians and caterers.

Not only that, she slipped a handwritten note into each envelope and added a wax stamp embossed with her monogram to seal it. She is pure class. All the way.

Taylor Swift, 33, gave the Truckers who lugged her stage set around the US for her Eras tour a bonus of $100,000 each

Radio favourite Ken has the last laugh at those overpaid bosses

New listening figures reveal BBC Radio 2 has lost one million listeners after Ken Bruce’s departure to Greatest Hits Radio earlier this year.

Perhaps the Beeb should count themselves lucky. Many industry insiders thought the loss would be bigger, although Ken himself (left) was modest to a fault, insisting that listening to a radio station can be a matter of habit, more than anything else.

Still, the BBC were mad to lose him. With a daily audience of over eight million listeners, Bruce was the most popular radio host in the UK.

Yet he found himself being overlooked by highly remunerated station bosses. With no new contracts in the offing, the veteran DJ decided to move on. ‘But we were going to give you another three years,’ wailed an executive after Bruce had resigned, but it was too late.

You do have to wonder what these highly paid executives think they are doing. Dame Alison Rose was earning £5.2 million at NatWest when she had to resign after admitting she had leaked details about Nigel Farage’s bank account to a BBC journalist.

Meanwhile, an executive at HBO Max has changed the company name to Max — so daring! Can this possibly justify his £6 million salary? Sometimes it seems that the higher the salary, the lower the common sense.

BBC Radio 2 has lost one million listeners following Ken Bruce’s (pictured) departure to Greatest Hits Radio earlier this year

The number of people sleeping rough on the streets of London has increased by 9 per cent.

There is a huge shortage of rental properties across the country, with thousands of families stuck on housing lists for years.

Yet in Chelmsford, Essex, the Home Office has approved the acquisition of an entire luxury apartment complex to house asylum-seekers.

Many local residents are furious, and I don’t blame them. In some quarters, it is seen as a sin to raise even a cheep of complaint about the asylum-seeking situation, but how can they be given priority over local people who are desperate for homes?

How can this be right? There is something badly wrong with the system, the culture and maybe even the country, too.

The Home Office has approved the acquisition of an entire luxury apartment block in Chelmsford, Essex to house asylum seekers

August is here: peak summer for the Northern Hemisphere. Yet there are those who are determined to snatch away even its briefest of balmy charms.

Not only have tickets for Hyde Park’s Winter Wonderland just gone on sale, my local pub has started advertising its Christmas party menus. 

Smoked salmon, turkey with all the trimmings and Christmas pudding with brandy cream? It’s £46 per person if anyone’s interested — but who is in high summer?

I may as well have an unseasonal grump about their £4.50 supplement for coffee and ‘mini mince pies’, too. It’s never too early for humbug.