JAN MOIR: If Harry shovels steaming manure onto the family fruit patch, he should expect a rich crop of raspberries in return

It still seems weird and somehow wrong that news about the British Royal Family is discussed first on U.S. outlets such as talk show host Kelly Ripa‘s podcast and on the pages and website of People magazine — next to stories about the Kardashians and actor Will Smith denying he slept with a man.

However, this is the world the Duke and Duchess of Sussex live in, this is the prism through which they are now viewed, this is where the absurd vanilla puffery of their softest-scoop ice cream is peddled in the hope that it will be swallowed whole.

Reactions may vary, as well as recollections. Some might even choke on the first mouthful.

Omid Scobie‘s new book Endgame is out at the end of this month and an extract has appeared in People magazine.

American readers might be surprised to learn that, according to this highly partisan account, the death of Queen Elizabeth II was not about the passing of a much-loved monarch and a sombre moment for British people and our shared history — it was all about Prince Harry.

According to this highly partisan account, the death of Queen Elizabeth II was not about the passing of a much-loved monarch — it was all about Prince Harry

Although Harry and Meghan have indicated they had nothing to do with the book, there is a great deal about who told him what and when about our 96-year-old Queen’s final decline.

Also his travel arrangements to Balmoral, his disappointments about this and that, his sour surprise that not only was his welcome home far from warm, but that Meghan’s presence at the Queen’s deathbed was surplus to requirements, too. God knows what could have caused such family froideur!

Anyone with any ideas should write them on a silenced- not-silent postcard and send it to: The Toxic Racist Windsor Rotters, c/o Broken Dog Bowl Alley, London.

According to Endgame, Harry was especially peeved that his brother did not respond to his texts when he was trying to cadge a lift to Scotland on the RAF jet that flew Prince William, Prince Andrew and the Wessexes.

You have to laugh. What did Harry expect? If you shovel endless steaming manure onto the family fruit patch, surely you must expect a rich crop of raspberries in return?

Every action has a reaction and every piece of treachery is another brick in the royal ramparts.

The walls between the brothers are now so high that apparently William refuses to even ‘properly talk’ with Harry, while Harry is still moping about, seeking ‘an apology or accountability’. From William to him, rather than the other way around. Cue even more sardonic laughter.

No doubt more Endgame extracts and leaks will be coming soon, but I am exhausted by it already.

Omid Scobie’s new book Endgame is out at the end of this month and an extract has appeared in People magazine

Dear God, surely not more Sussexian victimhood? When are they ever going to wake up and smell the wellness- focused instant latte or count their many blessings?

Harry and Meghan now have two beautiful, healthy children, a gorgeous home in California, a chicken coop, free tickets to Beyonce and Katy Perry pop concerts and millions in the bank.

They have rich and powerful supporters on their side, including billionaire television producer Tyler Perry.

It was Perry who facilitated their initial entry into America, providing his lavish California estate as a sanctuary. Not many refugees fleeing tyranny are the beneficiaries of such largesse!

Perry was on Kelly Ripa’s show this week, revealing how Meghan got in touch with him after he sent her a note of support.

Harry and Meghan now have two beautiful, healthy children, a gorgeous home in California, a chicken coop, free tickets to Beyonce and Katy Perry pop concerts and millions in the bank

They had not long been friends, but that didn’t stop Perry becoming Princess Lilibet’s godfather.

Meghan is not the first ambitious mother who selected a wealthy and well-connected patron to become a godfather to her children — but the shock is how little it took.

A few phone calls and the loan of a house? Honey, I pimped the kids.

What I am wondering is how much more of this can we all take? Harry and Meghan have found their freedom, they have made their great escape — can’t they now just enjoy it all instead of endlessly picking at the royal scab and whining to their proxy, Omid Scobie? Or to their proxy’s proxy?

Of course, as a one-dimensional author of limited scope, Scobie must stoke the fires of grievance and discontent between the exiled Sussexes and the core royals, otherwise he doesn’t have a book, a narrative, a purpose, or indeed a pay cheque.

Even he must be alarmed that the Duke and Duchess of Sussex are now denying that they are ‘affiliated’ with him in any way, although we have been here before. Denials that the Sussex camp had helped with his previous biography, Finding Freedom, turned out to be untrue.

Whatever, however, moreover — I think we can all agree that this endless drip of gripe and spite from a prince is the sign of a man who lost his way a long, long time ago.

The £695 towels of derision

Surely Balenciaga is trolling us all with its new towel-skirt look?

The unisex item is made of towelling terry cotton fabric and designed to look like a bath towel wrapped around your waist. A towel wrapped around your waist that costs £695, I might add.

Before you throw in the towel, agree with me that even though the Balenciaga logo is discreetly embroidered on the front, some people simply have much too much money.

The unisex item is made of towelling terry cotton fabric and designed to look like a bath towel wrapped around your waist

Esther Rantzen has talked about scammers perusing the obituary sections in local and national newspapers to con the recently bereaved, especially widows. I know this to be true — it happened to a friend of mine.

Esther Rantzen has talked about scammers perusing the obituary sections in local and national newspapers to con the recently bereaved

Samantha was still grieving following her husband’s death from cancer at the age of 67. A few days after his funeral, someone rang her up on the landline at home. ‘Hello Samantha,’ he said. ‘First of all, I want to say that I knew William and I am very sorry to hear about his death.’

My friend was on red alert straight away — no one ever called her husband William. Bill or Billy, yes. William, no. Never.

The caller smoothly went on to explain that ‘William’ had privately taken out a life insurance policy with his company and that she was eligible for a payout — after one outstanding final payment was met. Samantha told him in no uncertain terms to get lost and later surmised that the scammer must have read Bill’s funeral notice in the local paper.

She was lucky, but let’s be careful out there. Other widows and widowers, at the lowest ebb in their lives, might not be quite so fortunate.

Meanwhile, the brazenness and cruelty of these swindlers, not to mention their utter lack of humanity, makes the heart sink.

Fresh hope for second homeowners with properties in Spain and France. Along with Italy, these countries are now reconsidering the spiteful 90-day Brexit rule, which meant that Brits with properties abroad could only visit them for a limited period every year.

Now that the local economies are hurting, the British — and their luvvly jubbly pound notes — are being welcomed back with open arms.

Along with Italy, these countries are now reconsidering the spiteful 90-day Brexit rule, which meant that Brits with properties abroad could only visit them for a limited period every year

It hasn’t been pleasant, but surely they will fare better than those with second homes in the UK. Some councils in England are threatening second homers with double council tax bills, while in Scotland they just want them out; a Clearances for the 21st century.

No doubt new legislation enabling all this will be the first thing Keir Starmer rubber stamps when he sweeps into power at the next election, heralding a new dawn for the politics of envy.

Di death like losing friend 

There is a moving moment in the new Netflix series of The Crown, during the funeral of Princess Diana. As they march behind her coffin, Prince William (played by Rufus Kampa) asks his grandfather Prince Philip (Jonathan Pryce) why all these people in the crowds, people who never knew his mother, are crying.

‘They are not crying for her,’ says Philip. ‘They are crying for you.’

Prince William and his grandfather Prince Philip at Princess Diana’s funeral

Very prescient of writer Peter Morgan, but only partly true, perhaps. I think they were crying for themselves, too. Many people identified with Diana, the outsider who didn’t quite fit in, the interloper who was banished from the court. In addition to this, she had extraordinary empathy and an ability to connect with people.

Millions who never met Diana felt a kinship with her, and when she died, it was like losing a friend or a sister. Even now it is hard to think of anyone, before or since, who had the same effect.

Jeff Bezos may be the third-richest man in the world, but what a pity he hasn’t got someone on the payroll to tell him: ‘Lose the cowboy hat, Jeff. You look ridiculous.’

The Amazon founder, 59, and his fiancee Lauren Sanchez, 53, were posing for a Vogue photoshoot that had a regrettable western theme; at first glance I thought it was the promo shot for a Kenny Chesney and Steve Tyler Country & Western duet. ‘I’ve made her vulnerable and soft,’ said Bezos of his soon-to-be bride, as if she were a favourite cushion. Perhaps she is! For reasons unknown, Vogue was keen to position the Bezoses as just another couple of kooky but lovable eco-billionaires.

Lauren told the glossy mag they use green aviation fuel when possible and that their $500 million Koru superyacht can sail using only wind power. ‘We’ve done it and it is magical,’ she cooed. I’ll bet it is.

The Amazon founder, 59, and his fiancee Lauren Sanchez, 53, were posing for a Vogue photoshoot that had a regrettable western theme

The peak of gender idiocy

The BBC has had to defend radio presenter Emma Barnett after an endometriosis charity’s trans CEO complained about being pressed on using the word ‘woman’ to describe sufferers of the female-only disease.

Steph Richards, 71, has already sparked controversy by the very fact of being appointed to the top job at Endometriosis South Coast, but she told Emma it was OK because ‘I am a feminist’ and that trans men can get the disease, too. God knows how Emma Barnett — who suffers from the disease herself — managed to keep her cool, but she did.

When Richards boasted that ‘transphobia’ had boosted the profile of the charity, Barnett pointed out that no one was talking about endometriosis, but everyone was talking about Richards.

That is what happens when foolish wokists put an opportunistic trans activist into a position of power at a women’s charity because of peak gender idiocy and nothing else.