JAN MOIR: Harry may be coming home, but there’s a burnt out bombsite where his family used to be

Royal-watchers spotted a cloud of black smoke rising over assorted palaces and castles this week, part of a sad new ritual called the Bonfire of the Olive Branches. For when it comes to relations between the Royal Family and the Duke and Duchess of Sussex, we’re looking at a burnt-out bombsite where a family used to be.

Relations are at rock bottom, clemency is in the deep freeze. The outstretched hand has been withdrawn and the peace pipe has been doused with a thousand duchessy tears. It is over.

In September, Prince Harry will visit the UK to attend an awards ceremony for the WellChild charity on the day before the anniversary of the Queen’s death. But there are no plans to meet his father or his brother. Apparently, he is not even going to the private family dinner at Windsor to remember Elizabeth II.

He then goes on to Germany for the Invictus Games, where his wife will fly out to join him.

The message from Meghan couldn’t be clearer. She is never going to set foot in the grey, cake-filled, miserable UK again if she can possibly help it.

Prince Harry, Duke of Sussex and Meghan, Duchess of Sussex attend the WellChild awards at Royal Lancaster Hotel on September 4, 2018

The Duke of Sussex and Meghan, Duchess of Sussex arrive to attend the annual Commonwealth Service at Westminster Abbey in London on March 9, 2020

Perhaps being forbidden to attend the Queen’s deathbed at Balmoral — to shed light, to empower, to recommend a turmeric cleanse and some yoga stretches to the woman she never knew as Gan-Gan — was the last straw. And if there is a role for her as wifely appeaser to help heal the rift between her husband and his family, she has chosen to avoid that, too. As is her right.

But there is a puzzling disconnect about all this bitter friction.

The Duke and Duchess keep embracing big themes such as reconciliation and family. They talk earnestly of healing, humanity and hope but, somehow, never apply these messages to themselves and their relationships with their families, which are as toxic as a giant hogweed swamp.

Consider that poor Thomas Markle, living alone in a dusty Mexican border city just 250 miles south of Montecito, has yet to meet his grandchildren. It also seems unlikely that King Charles will ever get a second chance to meet Lilibet, his granddaughter. And that is terribly sad.

I note that the Duchess accompanied the Duke to the WellChild Awards in 2018 and 2019 but is not attending this year. A shame, for it is a moving ceremony held to celebrate the achievements and resilience of children with severe illness and the families who look after them.

That first year, the Duchess was pregnant with her first child, Archie — it had yet to be announced to the public — and the Duke paid tribute to her on stage.

The following year, he broke down during his speech at the same event, saying: ‘It pulls at my heartstrings in a way I could never have understood until I had a child of my own.’

He is so right. When it works properly, family is everything. Family is your home port, the wind beneath your wings. Family is more than name-napping your grandmother’s nickname for your own child. Family is not a seized opportunity to build a business on a royal name and a heritage you like to denigrate when it suits.

Family is not an ermine-edged cloak under which you can indulge your narcissism disguised as altruism. Family is putting in the hard yards, apologising when you have gone wrong and loving each other despite it all. Dare I even mention the word respect?

It has been seven years since Harry met Meghan. It is five years since they married, three years since they stepped down as royals, two years since their infamous interview with Oprah, one year since the Queen died.

In this time, Harry has cratered his existence as he knew it and lost the only father and brother he will ever know. In elevating his and Meghan’s joint status and virtue by ruthlessly tearing down the legacy and reputation of the Windsors, he has reached this bleak point of no return.

Prince Harry is coming home, but there is nowhere for him to go. His involvement in the Invictus Games and charities such as WellChild is the very best of him. But surely the day will soon dawn when he comes to regret losing what he says he prizes the most: his family.

Want to hear the 2023 Funniest Joke at the Edinburgh Festival? It came from stand-up Lorna Rose Treen. ‘I started dating someone who worked in a zoo,’ she says. ‘But it turned out he was a cheetah.’

Oh my aching sides. What gets me about this mediocre pun is not just that it’s not very funny. It is more that the gag doesn’t work for those of us with Scottish accents who pronounce cheetah very differently from cheater. We roll our r’s, baby, and no one can stop us.

You’d think a festival held in the capital city of Scotland would know better than to laud something that is racially discriminatory. No wonder I’m feeling totally triggered.

Perhaps the wokist SNP will step in and organise a cultural girlcott against this heinous ethnic slur. Or maybe not.

Want to hear the 2023 Funniest Joke at the Edinburgh Festival? It came from stand-up Lorna Rose Treen (pictured)

Not so proud of England’s pettish pride 

Am I alone in feeling rather let down by the Lionesses? To be honest, it is hard to join in the chorus of approval for this bunch of aggressive, sweary demi-hooligans who didn’t always show the best sportswomanship, on or off the pitch. And, ultimately, they lost. 

Yet returning to the UK this week, they disappointed loyal fans by leaving Heathrow from a private exit. That’s another red card from me. There is no dishonour in losing, but being a bad loser is unforgivable. 

A leading judge at the International Court of Justice has said the UK will no longer be able to ignore the growing calls for reparation for transatlantic slavery. Judge Patrick Lipton Robinson believes the international tide on slavery reparations is shifting and urges the UK to change its current position on the issue. In April, Rishi Sunak refused to apologise for the UK’s role in the slave trade or commit to paying anything. I hope he isn’t convinced to change his opinion.

Yes, terrible things were done in the terrible past by all nations. History is full of the brutal and unenlightened doing the unthinkable and the reprehensible. Yet Britain did more than most to abolish slavery and make the world a better place.

My antipathy towards reparations is not just that money cannot change the past, but the skewed morality of suggesting it can.

More importantly, why should people who were never slavers pay reparations to people who were never slaves?

It is nonsense.

Salute for police who brought Letby to justice 

Mugshot of neonatal nurse Lucy Letby, 33, who was handed a whole life sentence order for murdering new-born babies

When the police make mistakes, the criticism is always brutal. Look at the media punishment-beatings handed out to the Lancashire constabulary over their handling of the Nicola Bulley case.

There are still questions to be answered about the bizarre way they conducted the investigation and the information they chose to make public. Yet when the police triumph, it is simply taken for granted. 

Surely we should be deeply grateful to Cheshire Police for the immaculate way they ran Operation Hummingbird, the investigation into baby-killing neonatal nurse Lucy Letby. In a sensitive and highly complex case, they managed to be mindful of the impact on all the families involved and the concerns of innocent hospital staff. 

Each baby was appointed its own detective, each murder or attempted murder given its own investigation. Then the pieces of the monstrous jigsaw were painstakingly assembled and Letby was put behind bars for the rest of her miserable life.

Justice is incredibly important to those poor parents who were so heinously wronged, so God bless Cheshire Police.