CRAIG BROWN: Can I sleep tight if the bedbugs bite?

Ann Ziety is the world’s leading wellness guru. With her colleague Pam Denick, she is the best-selling author of Just Relax (2018), I Said, Just Relax (2019) and Relax Till You’re Blue In The Face (2022). Ann is mindfulness trainer to Gordon Ramsay, Liz Truss and the Duke and Duchess of Sussex. Today, she tells you how to stay calm during the forthcoming bedbug invasion … 

Dear Ann, I recently read the headline ‘Bedbug Panic Grips Britain’. How can I tell if there are bedbugs in my bedroom?

Geoff W., King’s Lynn.

Bedbugs can be hard to spot, as they keep a low profile. But keep an eye out for their distinctive dark glasses, sometimes worn in conjunction with anoraks or other hooded jackets.

Dear Ann, What’s the best way to keep bedbugs at bay?

Valerie S., Croydon.

I recommend this simple method. Put affected clothes and bedding in the freezer overnight and sleep in the salad compartment. Then remove all furniture, cushions and floor coverings from the house. Bedbugs are known for their love of creature comforts and will be distressed to be deprived of them: scientists estimate that at least 35 per cent of all known bedbugs have taken out annual subscriptions to House & Garden and/or World Of Interiors magazines.

Today, wellness guru Ann Ziety tells you how to stay calm during the forthcoming bedbug invasion (stock image)

Dear Ann, I think I spotted a bedbug in my bedroom just now. It arrived with a small suitcase and was beginning to unpack its pyjamas and toothbrush when I startled it. Should I be afraid?

Sally F., Luton.

No need to panic, Sally. If the bedbug was planning on staying longer than a night or two, then it would have come equipped with a larger suitcase, and would have unpacked more than just his pyjamas and toothbrush. It’s only when bedbugs arrive at your door with a full range of daywear, a yoga mat and a Baby Belling mini oven that you should really start to worry.

Dear Ann, I may have just seen a bedbug from Paris riding on the No 59 bus from Piccadilly Gardens to Oldham Mumps. How can I be sure it really was a Parisian bedbug, and not just a regular bedbug from Didsbury or Fallowfield?

Pete D., Manchester.

If you see it again, say you’ve forgotten your watch and ask it for the right time. If it refuses to reply, and just looks away haughtily, then this bedbug is probably Parisian. Did you look at it closely enough to tell whether it was wearing haut couture or a pair of grubby jeans and a T-shirt? That’s another good way to spot a French bedbug.

Dear Ann, When we arrived home from a dog walk this morning, our lovely rottweiler was visibly distressed, growled and bared his teeth. We suspect a bedbug had lain in wait behind the front door and leapt out, giving him a terrible fright. What can we do to prevent this happening again?

Jill F., Cheltenham.

Place a python behind your front door and it should act as a deterrent. Bedbugs are notoriously scared of snakes.

Dear Ann, London mayor Sadiq Khan has told us to be on the lookout for bedbugs on the Tube. Armed with a pair of binoculars, I spotted one on the Northern line, then he got out at Leicester Square and changed to the Piccadilly line, heading west. I don’t think he saw me. Have you any idea what he was doing? I felt that he was up to no good. He was wearing a balaclava.

Alistair B., Petworth.

The Piccadilly line would have taken him to Knightsbridge, so I have a very real fear he may have been heading for Harrods. Bedbugs are known for making a bee-line for overpriced luxury items, and are often to be seen walking along holding tiny little Louis Vuitton suitcases from Harrods. If this particular bedbug was a social media influencer, then the department store may well be facing an infestation.

Dear Ann, How fast can a bedbug travel? If they’re coming from Paris, are we safe from them for another few months, up here in the North?

Lucy K., Newcastle.

Each bedbug has six legs. This makes buying trainers prohibitively expensive for comfortable travel on foot. But, sadly, some experts believe that they have developed their own means of electric transport, the bed buggy.