Inveterate trend surfer that I am, I recently booked a face massage. And not just any face massage, mind: a buccal variety. Keep up now, reader, keep up.
I’m talking about the vogue for glamazons, such as J-Lo, Kate Moss and the Duchess of Sussex to have the insides of their mouths — ligaments, muscles and buccal fat pads — pummelled with the aim of looking ‘snatched’. Translation: sharp of jaw and elevated of cheekbone.
As with all such trends, there are those on social media declaring it ‘better than Botox’ for face-slimming purposes. I can’t say I concur, but it’s certainly better than those monstrous buccal-fat removal operations, where this cherubic padding is extracted to give a more chiselled guise. What looks modishly taut at a baby-faced 25 is destined to look alarmingly skeletal 20 years on.
As for cheek massage’s firming and sculpting abilities, this sort of manipulation cannot fundamentally reshape the muscle concerned. However, it will remove tension and allay fluid retention, thus bloating, in the short to medium term. So, if you’re seeking jowl tightening-cum-lifting for a party or wedding, then this makes an excellent choice.
My guru, Charlotte Mernier, certainly has clients who argue that regular sessions have allowed them to forgo the needle. Yet, as a lifelong teeth grinder born with TMD (temporomandibular disorder, or a b*ggered jaw), lower-face Botox qualifies as a pain-nuking essential for me. In an ideal world, I’d have both the massage and the Botox, please.
UK beauty expert Hannah Betts tried buccal face massage, which involves having the inside of your mouth pummelled to achieve a sharp jaw line
Anyway, back to Madame Mernier. Charlotte, 35, is an osteopath with a jaw specialism, making her treatment, My Osteo Buccal Massage, hotly sought-after by those wanting something more profound than a mere facial (£165 for 60 minutes, myosteolondon.com). She also goes beyond conventional buccal techniques by addressing not only the intraoral muscles and fascia inside the cheeks, but the neck and head as well.
Starting with cleansing, then hypnotic face and neck kneading, her method is sublimely relaxing.
Her touch is surprisingly gentle, yet manages to stimulate collagen production and increase cell oxygenation, lending glow and —yes — contour. I loved it, yearned for our hour session to be three times as long, and really want to go again. In the meantime, I’ve been endeavouring to replicate just a little of her magic at home.
January’s impoverishment and general deflatedness — physical in addition to mental — has led me to administer speedy morning face massages as I apply the oil layer under my SPF. Q+A Superfood Facial Oil (£8 for 30ml, hollandandbarrett.com) provides wallet-friendly slip.
My aim is basic hoisting. I create two victory signs, then make ten or so firm strokes upward from the chin to the ears with my jaw. Next, I do the same with my cheekbones, again sweeping towards my ears. Then, I swipe a Revolution Skincare Cooling Eye Roller Ball (now £6.40, lookfantastic.com) around each eye a few times, tending north. This really does make a difference in terms of lift and signs of life.
I ask Dr Michael Prager, who makes my beloved, worth-every-last-precious-penny Night Oil with Retinol (£90 for 30ml, skincare.drmichaelprager.com), whether this post-pathetic Betts massage perking-up is just my imagination. He responds: ‘Product absorption will be increased even further when massaged.
‘Plus, you’re boosting circulation and helping to stimulate collagen. Finally, massaging helps with lymphatic drainage which depuffs the skin.’
So I’m not merely imagining that my face looks less slumped.
Some women prefer to massage with a cleansing balm. I’ve fallen in love with M&S’s sublimely-scented Revive Nourishing Cleansing Butter in Calm (£12.50 for 125g, marksandspencer.com).
If a gua sha device (a smooth-edged stone used to stroke and thus stimulate the skin) spurs you on, I favour one with a deep enough chasm to fit my sagging jaw into. Metal ones feel cooling on midlife complexions — the Rena Chris Metal Gua Sha Tool (£7.99, amazon.co.uk), say.
If even this modest self-massaging feels like too much effort, then simply wield Jones Road’s Multivitamin Serum (£46 for 30ml, jonesroadbeauty.com).
This genius rollerball creation by Bobbi Brown is minimum effort, maximum result.
I crave one in every room.
RACE YOU TO IT!
Urban Decay’s Space Cowboy is a warm champagne with cool sparkle that has become a cult phenomenon. Its Moondust Quad Eyeshadow Palette (£39, boots.com, from January 31) plays on this theme. Space Rider boasts warm nudes, including Space Cowboy; Galactic Cowgirl (below) has four shimmering cool hues.
MY ICON OF THE WEEK
Claudia Winkleman has Estée Lauder DayWear Sheer Tint as her base, with Charlotte Tilbury Airbrush Bronzing Powder
The Traitors host, 52, is all about the tan and fringe. Estée Lauder DayWear Sheer Tint (£45.90, boots.com) is her base, with Charlotte Tilbury Airbrush Bronzing Powder (£45, charlottetilbury.com). Her shiny do is by Head & Shoulders (from £4, boots.com), and she leaves a YSL Opium (£75, boots.com) trail.
CHAPPED LIP SAVIOURS
(£11.99, upcirclebeauty.com)
Packed with hemp seed oil and shea butter, this new balm smells delicious and glides on easily.
(£20, meccacosmetica.com)
Australia’s staple shield, it protects, replenishes and dewily plumps.
(£8.95 for 50, amazon.co.uk)
Dry air and vitamin deficiencies spur cold sores — lysine helps prevent reappearance.
COSMETIC CRAVING
Here we are, having (almost) dragged ourselves to the end of January. We’re broke, but may at last have been paid, and are allowed some budget bath bliss.
As you’ll see from my cleanser recommendation above, Marks & Spencer’s Apothecary range is well worth a look/inhale, with its Calm, Sleep, Restore and Balance collections. In just two years, this wellness winner has rightly become a £20 million brand.
Marks & Spencer Apothecary Calm Bath Oil (£9.50 for 330ml, marks andspencer.com) is the element I can’t get enough of.
As befits its name, its cheering orange, soporific lavender and grounding cedar wood aroma is subtly pacifying. You recline, then, 20 minutes later, all is well.
